Male Allies

Did you know that men and boys are at greater risk of death at EVERY stage of life as compared to women and girls? Did you also know that this is largely due to social and behavioral factors? These factors, such as increased rates of risk-taking among men, stem from the pressure on men and boys to conform to unrealistic standards of what it means to “be a man” in this society, as well as from systemic inequities and injustices (e.g., economic, racial, gender) within our country. So what exactly are these unrealistic standards about manhood?

From the day they are born, those who are biologically male are told and shown how they should navigate life from childhood to death; they should be physically strong, not show emotions, be the most powerful, etc. These messages come from everywhere, all of the time... family, friends, teachers, movies, television, coaches, and media, just to name a few.

So why does it matter that boys and men are receiving these messages? Well, research shows that these societal expectations about manhood can have harmful consequences for those who subscribe to them, as well as those they interact with. For instance, a man who internalizes these societal expectations around manhood is more likely to be depressed, commit suicide, commit acts of violence against others, (e.g., sexual, domestic, bullying), partake in risk-taking behaviors, etc.

Additionally, as boys grow into men who subscribe to these standards, they begin to show and tell the next generations that this is what it means to “be a real man.” This creates a cycle of future generations of boys and men who are at higher risk for negative health outcomes. This is why we need you to be a positive male mentor who helps redefine manhood, building up future generations of healthy and happy men and boys!

So who can be a positive male mentor? Any man can be a positive male mentor- fathers, teachers, coaches, community members- as long as they take the necessary steps to be that positive influence. So what exactly does that look like? The first step is understanding that there are limitless ways to be a boy and a man in this world and that being your authentic self should not come with negative consequences, such as bullying. Nor should you have to hide parts of yourself and conform to these unrealistic standards to be safe or "accepted." As one of our male allies, Cyrus Unvala, said, "There is not a role of man or masculine to be filled, it is just being a good person."

The next step is taking a look at how you have internalized the negative messages around manhood in our society that you have received throughout your life (e.g., boys don't cry) and challenge them. How did it feel to get these messages when you were young and trying to figure out who you were as a person? How has this affected you, your beliefs, and behaviors? How about the people around you or your relationships? Are you living authentically as your true self, or are you hiding parts of yourself to conform?

Recently, we met with some of Sitka's positive male mentors who were all Boys Run I toowú klatseen (BRITK) coaches. The BRITK program, meant for 3rd through 5th grade boys, teaches participants that being a "strong" man means having strength in spirit. The place-based curriculum includes three parts: sense of self and knowing one’s worth; healthy communication and relationships; and positive decision making, teamwork, and community. This, along with amazing coaches, works to undo some of those harmful messages around being a man in society. It gives boys a different narrative about how they can show up in the world as boys, and eventually men. That being said, we spoke with our male mentors to learn about their journey growing up as boy, the messages they received, how they were affected, how a program like BRITK could have helped them, and how they are redefining their own masculinity. Here is what they had to say:

Following this self-work, the next step is to actually "walk the talk." How will you work to be your more authentic self? How will you role model your masculinity for others, peers and young boys alike? Will you show them that while boys and men are taught that anger, violence, and domination are socially acceptable ways to be a man, there is an alternative path? That it is men's responsibility to role model a healthier, more authentic version of masculinity, one that allows boys to express their emotions, be vulnerable, and embrace the full spectrum of being human?

It is also important to remember that there will be mistakes made; this is an ever-evolving learning journey. It is hard work to undo the harm that these unrealistic standards around manhood have done and to move forward in a healthy way, especially when there are so many people who do not understand why this work is so important. That being said, hold yourself accountable for mistakes made and show young boys and your peers that it is okay to make mistakes for the sake of growing into a more authentic you.

The next generation is looking to you. What will you show them it means to be a káa (man)

This is a compilation of resources, including organizations, media, videos, campaigns, programs, and other entities that are working to build up the next generation of men.

Looking for a specific type of resource that you don't see above or want to learn how to get more involved in this work, whether in your everyday life or more formally in Sitka (e.g., being a Boys Run I toowú klatseen coach)? Fill in the form below and we will get back to you in the following few days!